Early last year, Jeffrey and I had a realization that we weren’t spending enough intentional time with each other. We’re both notorious over-workers (we’re self-employed, after all), and when left untreated, we reach a catatonic state of sleep-eat-work-repeat. Combine that with a full schedule of travel for work, friend hangs, and family dinners and we’re left with just a few crumbs of true alone time.
From an outside point of view, this might surprise some — Jeffrey and I work three feet away from each other at a long desk and are together 95% of the time. But between work and friends and errands, a lot of our daily conversations revolve around… well, work and friends and errands.
And while those conversations are worthwhile, we weren’t leaving much room for the really important stuff. And so, we came up with the Monthly Date.
At the end of each month, we’ll take ourselves out to dinner (preferably local, preferably a spot we haven’t tried before, preferably dressed up a bit nicer than usual) and talk through a series of check-in questions we’ve come up with together:
What were your highlights from this month?
What were your low points from this month?
What is something you accomplished this month that you’re proud of?
What is something you could have improved on?
What is a lesson you learned?
Who / what has inspired you lately?
What was something that went well in our relationship?
Is there somewhere in our relationship we could grow or improve on?
Is there something you’ve noticed that I, individually could grow or improve on?
Any habits you want to start / pick back up?
Any habits you want to quit?
What are your goals for the next month, and what are some action items that will help you achieve them?
Is there anything you need help with? How can I support you?
I’m proud of you for ____________.
Aside from fulfilling both of our love languages — mine, words of affirmation and his, quality time — this has also been a sweet way to really sit down and check in with one another.
It’s been a space to celebrate all of our wins, no matter how small. A space to make sure any struggles or grievances get acknowledged and addressed. A space to speak dreams aloud, create new goals, and make sure we’re growing individually and together. A space to reset. Or, a space to just sit and yap with my best friend for a while.
Plus, we love an excuse to get a little dressed up.
You don’t need a partner to do this, of course. In fact, I encourage you to try this with friends, or even on your own in a journal. I hope our tradition finds it’s way into your schedule this year — and if you have any questions you think we should add to our list, we’d love to hear ‘em.
Oh, and here’s a little something extra: a love day playlist, from me to you.
Happy Valentines Day, friends! Catch you next time.
I need a monthly date with my friends too! The older we get, the harder it is to stay in touch - I’m going to try this!